


if you must leave, leave as though fire burns under your feet

by WendigoBaby



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, alec believes in magnus and will wait for him to return victorious, cat and alec are friends, edom, this was inspired by the valentine's trailer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 14:10:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13706085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WendigoBaby/pseuds/WendigoBaby
Summary: Why wouldn’t I? Look what I have waiting for me.Those words echo back to Alec, their sound a salve for the wounds that cannot be seen, a lifebuoy for Alec’s heart. For a moment, his eyes dip closed and he rewinds his memories to see it again, every detail preserved like butterfly wings in glass - the shimmering unshed tears hanging onto Magnus’ lower eyelashes, the fire casting orange shades over his face.Alec remembers the warmth of Magnus’ palm fitting itself to the lines of his face, a steadying tether in the midst of chaos. Despite the fear and the worry, Alec can understand how this is Magnus’ fight and his alone, the necessity of the return to his father’s land, unforgiving and violent in its very existence.





	if you must leave, leave as though fire burns under your feet

**Author's Note:**

> the title is a line from a Keaton Henson song titled 'you'
> 
> i got inspired by the news about Catarina being more present in s3 and then the trailer shook my entire life to the core, so this had to happen!

Everything is loud, overwhelming in a way that leaves Alec wanting to hide somewhere with doors locked twice behind his back. After the attack from Lilith and her demons, the entire Shadow World suffered - even the Downworld’s joined forces along Shadowhunter reinforcements weren’t enough to stop the onslaught on time.

 

The cathedral building of the Institute has been damaged - there are cracks zigzagging across the walls, the lights keep flickering above their heads, and some of the stained glass windows are gone. Alec stands between the pieces of rubble littering the floor, shards of glass crunching under the soles of his boots; his hands are cold where they’re clasped behind his back. He doesn’t remember how he got back from the loft here, doesn’t care enough to try, but people are talking to him and he’s trying to focus, despite the cotton stuck in his ears.

 

Alec’s trying to keep it together, he really is; his people need him right now, all the injured and all those left without direction. He has checked up on Luke already and briefly talked to Raphael over the phone - so far it seems people were mostly hurt, but not many have died, which in the light of recent events should be considered lucky.

 

His soul feels bereft, stripped and raw as he swallows against the lump in his throat, nods at another of his employees reporting back in. He’s worried, already missing Magnus regardless of only two hours passing at most, but it isn’t the freezing fear he has felt when the sword was activated by Valentine - Alec is sure of Magnus’ strength, his abilities and prowess in both magic and physical combat, he knows Magnus could cross the entire Earth to achieve what he’s set out to do.

 

It’s not that, no - instead, it’s the clawing feeling of not being able to follow, to help and join Magnus on his quest, because if he even said a single word, Alec would be already by his side, blade drawn and bow over his shoulder, ready to cut and slice his way through all of Edom.

 

Alec’s hands are so cold.

 

He’s almost dreading coming back to the loft, as there is no way he’d be staying anywhere else - Magnus’ flat has become theirs, a home they built together for themselves, a place that feels safe in the face of any storm raging outside. But it will be empty, aside from the ringing quiet that turns vehement when you listen to it for too long. He’ll have to clean up at least a bit, make sure everything that survived in the apothecary is secured, save as much of the equipment and ingredients as possible - Magnus will appreciate that when he comes back home.

 

Then, when Alec is too tired to think, he’ll take a long shower, letting the hot water pelt away at every bruise and scratch over his skin until the aching stops. He’ll lay down in their bed, curl into Magnus’ side where the pillow still smells like him, fall into the velvet darkness of unconsciousness to wake up alone with the sun burning bright.

 

A shiver runs across Alec’s spine, rattling his bones as his heart stutters to regain the rhythm that was lost when he let go of Magnus’ lapels. It’s been one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do - to still feel the ghost of Magnus’ lips on his own, a parting kiss and a promise of return, while willing his fingers to unwind from the soft material. Alec watched Magnus step through the glowing portal, watched him turn back to glance behind just before disappearing, his eyes gentle against Alec’s distress.

 

Alec is needed here and he will do everything in his means to keep the Shadow World safe; no sacrifice can go to waste. Isabelle brushes past him, letting her hand linger briefly on Alec’s back and her eyes are somber when he catches her gaze - she knows. She was the first person he told, in torn sentences and a much-too-quiet voice.

 

The steady hum around Alec is interrupted by one of the guards calling out - he focuses his eyes on the source of the sound as if he’s surfacing from underwater: everything becomes focused and sharp as Alec watches Catarina shoulder her way past people towards him. She doesn’t look the best either - her work scrubs are dirtied with soot and frayed at the edges, bearing Edomai teeth marks, but otherwise Alec can spot no injuries for which he’s glad.

 

“Where is he?” she asks without preamble, breathless in her worry, but her dark eyes are fierce, as if she’s ready to march into battle if needed.

 

Alec leads her aside, where they can talk more privately, out of others’ earshot. They haven’t met that long ago, but quickly bonded into an unlikely friendship - Cat teased Alec at the beginning, but warmed up to him, when she saw him and Magnus together, realized that this love isn’t something fleeting, a fling that would break her best friend’s heart once more. 

 

With how much she cares about Magnus, the many memories she has shared with him over their lifetimes, it was impossible for Alec not to grow fond of her sharp humor and her kind heart. Despite their differences, they found a common ground, only strengthened by their affection for Magnus.

 

Now, her fingers are digging painfully into Alec’s arm as he searches for the right words.

 

“Cat, he-” Alec starts, but his voice falters. He takes a breath, tries again. “Magnus went to Edom, to stop Lilith.”

 

“When I couldn’t feel his magic anymore, I thought-” Cat lifts a trembling hand to her mouth, trying to keep her composure with all the people nearby; Alec watches her fingers sink into the soft flesh of her cheek, her nails dark with dirt or blood.

 

He understands what she’s feeling, at least to a degree - the sinking void in the pit of your stomach when you realize someone close to you might be gone for good, someone you didn’t get to say goodbye to, someone who was meant to spend years and years by your side being suddenly ripped from your fingers.

 

“He will come back,” Alec reassures, this time with a steady voice, because if there is anything he believes right now, it’s Magnus’ words.

 

Catarina swallows, then looks up at Alec, her expression pinched with pain.

 

“How can you know that?”

 

“Because he’s told me himself and I have faith in the man I love and your best friend.”

 

_Why wouldn’t I? Look what I have waiting for me._

 

Those words echo back to Alec, their sound a salve for the wounds that cannot be seen, a lifebuoy for Alec’s heart. For a moment, his eyes dip closed and he rewinds his memories to see it again, every detail preserved like butterfly wings in glass - the shimmering unshed tears hanging onto Magnus’ lower eyelashes, the fire casting orange shades over his face.

 

Alec remembers the warmth of Magnus’ palm fitting itself to the lines of his face, a steadying tether in the midst of chaos. Despite the fear and the worry, Alec can understand how this is Magnus’ fight and his alone, the necessity of the return to his father’s land, unforgiving and violent in its very existence.

 

Catarina smiles at Alec’s words, her expression turning bittersweet as her grip on his arm softens.

 

“I don’t want to lose him,” she confesses, eyes downcast to the floor.

 

“I know, I don’t either,” Alec answers and this time, he reaches out, places his palms on her shoulders. “But he will come back to us. To me, to you, to Madzie, and all the warlocks. He knows we’re all waiting for him.”

 

She looks up again, a single tear running down her cheek, leaving behind a path glimmering in the washed-out light of the Institute, before stepping forward and defeatedly resting her forehead against Alec’s shoulder.

 

All they have right now is each other - Magnus’ lover and his best friend, two people from different worlds that became unexpected friends. Alec shifts closer, gently embraces Catarina, who grabs at the back of his jacket, pain evident in each of her movement.

 

Waiting is always the most difficult part.

**Author's Note:**

> catch me on [tumblr](https://maghnvsbane.tumblr.com/) crying about malec


End file.
